I am writing this on my first “Let it Go” day and wondering if there is anyone else out there that needs to “let it go”!
I thought I had forgotten but the memory is still there. Every once in a while I go back to 1995, disappointed, worried and discouraged. It is one month away from my graduate recital at TCU under the masterful teaching of Judith Solomon (now deceased), and I have not even begun to learn one of my pieces. Why did I procrastinate? Why did I not use my time wisely? I can’t even sing the melody of this piece I have not learned and I know I am expected to play it in front of a jury. This jury will decide if I am ready or not to give my graduate recital. What should I do? How can I make this work? Why did I not prepare? All the months of preparing and studying other subjects will go down the drain because I neglected to learn one piece! Now I am a total failure!
And then I wake up.
I focus my eyes on the ceiling. What year is it? Where am I?
Oh yeah. Its 2011. I DID practice and memorize all my pieces. I DID give a beautiful piano recital. I DID graduate with a M.M. in Piano Pedagogy. The diploma is somewhere in my studio office. Maybe if I put it on the wall and glance at it in passing, I will be able to “let it go”.
Performing in recitals is a not a comfortable thing for me. I walked out on Bach when I went blank during my Junior recital in college. I never dream about it. You would think THAT recital would be a recurring dream…
So, I am going to “Let It Go”. How? I am going to think about all the positive things that happened during and after this graduate recital. I am going to listen to the recording of this recital and enjoy the perfect parts and the not so perfect parts. I am going to find my diploma and put it on the wall. I am going to” let go” of this recital nightmare!