Recital Nightmare

I am writing this on my first “Let it Go” day and wondering if there is anyone else out there that needs to “let it go”!

I thought I had forgotten but the memory is still there. Every once in a while I go back to 1995,  disappointed, worried and discouraged.  It is one month away from my graduate recital at TCU under the masterful teaching of Judith Solomon (now deceased), and I have not even begun to learn one of my pieces.  Why did I procrastinate?  Why did I not use my time wisely? I can’t even sing the melody of this piece I have not learned and I know I am expected to play it in front of a jury. This jury will decide if I am ready or not to give my graduate recital.  What should I do? How can I make this work?  Why did I not prepare?  All the months of preparing and studying  other subjects will go down the drain because I neglected to learn one piece!  Now I am a total failure!

And then I wake up.

I focus my eyes on the ceiling.  What year is it?  Where am I?

Oh yeah. Its 2011.  I DID practice and memorize all my pieces.  I DID give a beautiful piano recital.  I DID graduate with a M.M. in Piano Pedagogy.   The diploma is somewhere in my studio office.  Maybe if I put it on the wall and glance at it in passing, I will be able to “let it go”.

Performing in recitals is a not a comfortable thing for me.  I walked out on Bach when I went blank during my Junior recital in college. I never dream about it.  You would think THAT recital would be a recurring dream…

So, I am going to “Let It Go”.  How?  I am going to think about all the positive things that happened during and after this graduate recital. I am going to listen to the recording of this recital and enjoy the perfect parts and the not so perfect parts.  I am going to find my diploma and put it on the wall.  I am going to” let go” of this recital nightmare!